Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
we're so committed to being not committed
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
