I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Can I color on your dick again?
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
