what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I just want to make out with him forever
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
