that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
