I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Randomize
