omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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