how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
