My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
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