so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
