My first STD was from a foam party
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
