Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Randomize
