You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
