I think I can smell my own vagina right now
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Randomize
