Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
