Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
