Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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