he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
