Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
