hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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