two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
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