I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
