Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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