The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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