New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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