he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
