i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
