you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
