yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
never play flip cup with pint glasses
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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