Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
