Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize
