My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Randomize
