Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
