mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Randomize
