It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Randomize
