you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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