you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
