I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
