I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
