You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
