I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
It's no shave November. This is our time.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
