Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
The struggles of a small town man whore
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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