walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
