I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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