remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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