As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
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