my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
