Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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