Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
