He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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