I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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